Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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