he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
