She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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