just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
