apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
