just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
