but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
