we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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