Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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