Your dad touched me again.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How naked do you want me to be?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
