Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize