What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm too high and old for this...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
