im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
