i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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