my mouth tastes like poor choices
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
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I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize