Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
