I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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