Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
