Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
