After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
