I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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