I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
