I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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