I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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