Michael Bay diarrhea
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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