im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
