Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
