Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
