I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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