Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
