Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
