things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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