So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it glows. i had to have it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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