bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
