Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
