Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
