my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
