When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
