Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
