I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
