To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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