I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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