There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
