I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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