i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
