Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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