where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
