Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
