Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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