Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
