alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
