he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
