they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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