i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
