My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
