he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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