I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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