What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
