you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
