You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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