I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
