He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
then he tried to convert me to islam
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
