would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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