Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
