You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
