dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
