I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
