So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't deserve a penis
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
