OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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