Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
