Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
