You smell like stripper and shame
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
