I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
