Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
