Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
